I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
