Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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