i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
