So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
