I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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