We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
