god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
