a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
