worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
