I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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