Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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