There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
