I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
