how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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