I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize