A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
