So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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