All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
