I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize