I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
