New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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