can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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