so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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