the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
