I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
