Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
