nut hugger
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize