i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
