I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
