Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
