I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
