i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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