we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dicks are not precious.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
