I think i peed on brittanys purse
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
