Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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