I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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