Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize