Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
