I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
