I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
