her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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