She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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