I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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