Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
