The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
