david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
