Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize