if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
