so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
