Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
