3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
