i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
