and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
