I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
