Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
