Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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