Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
