Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
