I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
