It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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