I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
