I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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