I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
