Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize