All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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