ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
