i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
