thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
